:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
