We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
