Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
