It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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