Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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