she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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