I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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