I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
