I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
