you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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