i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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