The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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