I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
