Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
