I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
