His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
