my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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