I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
