they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
