I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
