Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
