All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
