i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
