When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
