things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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