Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
