I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
