May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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