i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
