HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
