This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
