I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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