i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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