hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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