I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
