we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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