Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
