I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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