A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
