Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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