Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
