I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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