her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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