If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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