and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I checked into jail on foursquare
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
