i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
