So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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