She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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