I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
