I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
