The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
