how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
