Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
